Change of Heart or not?

HI.

I've been reflecting on how I've changed during the course of my life. Now when things are not so rosy, i don't really know what to do with myself.

My dance career feels so bleak when everywhere I go reminds me that I'm in Singapore. My studies are the bomb. I just received an F9 for A maths again... Don't understand why I do not get maths... It seems like its in another foreign language that has died out of use but still lingers on forever... Or maybe I still haven't really embraced it, shared my love for it... But I'm trying... Now I find finishing A maths homework an encouragement and hope to push me on to complete my other homework... But tests and exams always never go my way...

I've been seeing this person several times these two weeks, but I'm not so sure if it means to bloom into a friendship or something else... Life so far has been a race course for me in primary school, but in sec school, it seems more like an obstacle course where I never get past the obstacles, but even if I do, I am the last of all the racers...

On valentine's day, I gave people presents(or rather chocolate) but I received two... one of which is from my mom and the other from you. So I may have many 'friends' but am I cherished by people? What would people that I know live without me in existence? Do I make a difference in the world? Or am I just a grain of sand along the coast? Maybe its just me or I'm not really in the place where I am supposed to be? Is there another place for me? Another place that people appreciate me? Another place that people love and cherish me? Maybe I'm not meant for this world...

My problems are my burdens. Please do not pry. They are mine and mine alone. It is a path I have to walk alone.

Confusion

I've reached about the 1 month mark of living amongst a couple of witches. They cackle everyday, sending of annoying crows...

Forget it. I'm thinking about closing this avenue . Ever since I stated this thing, I have made it almost part of the ways that I vent my frustrations ans pour out my feelings, but I'm not too sure that this is the best way. I may be a bit more open now, but I wonder if the days of yesteryear are more enjoyable when I kept them to myself?

I feeling like quitting school. Its no more fun, not enjoyable at all... My parents want me to study well, get into a good school and do well in life. But my dream, my ambition does not lie in the darkness of studying. What should I do?

What am I? What is my ultimate goal? A failure or a sucess?

Long time no see

Haven't been to this site for quite a long time even though I surf the net everyday. Perhaps there is just so much going on and I cant find the right words to express this issues and I'm not too sure about publishing my thoughts anymore...

School has been so hectic and confusing that I don't really know whats going on. I feel like I'm living in a dream and that I have to play along just to reach the end. But where is the end?

I'm being reprimanded almost everyday, if not for school work then my dance, if not, it would be my parents complaining that I do not live up to expectations... Why am I never good enough for these people? Why do they push and push me until I'm at the breaking point in my life?

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so good around my friends until I could claim that I have high self esteem when the darkest, loneliest and saddest of thoughts run through my mind but still smile brightly and create crazy antics that make them think I'm nuts?

Why am I the way I am? Why do I feel the way I am? Why must I be such a two-faced person who other side never see a smile brush the surface of my skin?