I'm seriously depressed now. Sometimes when I smile, I still feel sad and even if it looks like a real happy me, I feel that I'm faking happiness. After the first time I used drama to face my daily problems, it has been integrated into my daily lives until I cannot separated my 'public personality' from my real self. I think my real self is only about 4 years old. I think that was when I first stared into my parents eyes while telling a lie. its young,yes. But it was my fear of being beaten and scolded.

I took my height and weight on Wednesday. I have been saying that I'm overweight for quite sometime already and now its a reality. I'm 3kgs overweight. I hope my teacher puts me into the TAF club. I'm worried that she will not because I look skinny on the outside but inside, I am loaded with fats.

I cant cope with the sudden change of studying. From an all time slacker to a trying-to-be studious-student, the change is too great.