I'm seriously depressed now. Sometimes when I smile, I still feel sad and even if it looks like a real happy me, I feel that I'm faking happiness. After the first time I used drama to face my daily problems, it has been integrated into my daily lives until I cannot separated my 'public personality' from my real self. I think my real self is only about 4 years old. I think that was when I first stared into my parents eyes while telling a lie. its young,yes. But it was my fear of being beaten and scolded.

I took my height and weight on Wednesday. I have been saying that I'm overweight for quite sometime already and now its a reality. I'm 3kgs overweight. I hope my teacher puts me into the TAF club. I'm worried that she will not because I look skinny on the outside but inside, I am loaded with fats.

I cant cope with the sudden change of studying. From an all time slacker to a trying-to-be studious-student, the change is too great.

The Present and the Past

Its about time I started ranting. First day already posed much of a conflict between me, Wern-li and Jing ya. Both of them wanted to sit next to me so I chose a triple seat. Then when we had our first contact time with our form teachers, we were the only group to be dispersed. Not just separated, but it was miles away from each other.And I was FORCED to seat at the rear, its actually not that bad to seat at the rear but take inconsideration my height, semi-blindness, semi- deafness and short attention span, it IS a VERY HORRIBLE ISSUE!! Worse still, I had to sit beside the 5 most annoying, noisy and bitchiest girls in my group. I cannot take it! Every time the teacher walks out of the classroom, they start playing cards and screaming. Not just 'ahhhh', its 'AHHHHH!!!' in the highest pitch the human vocals can go!

I am dying, and I'm about ready to go completely deaf and resign myself to learning sign language.

Now, back to the present, my left eyebrow was twitch frantically this morning. People say that if your eyelid twitches, something bad is going to happen. But no one said anything about the eyebrow twitching, but I assume its good news cuz my sec 4 Chinese teacher is Ms Koh! The very one that taught me last year! I guess I'm pretty glad she was assigned to our class because I find it quite difficult to adapt to new environments or people quickly.

Oh. And I visited the ACJC today. I didn't expect it to be so near to home! So that I could wake up at 6am and still reach school rather early. I saw the dance society there. I am impressed by their 2007 SYF performance results and their super high energy level that was sustained for about 2-3mins. However, they were not synchronized and I saw that they didn't have good flexibility and their technique was rather unstable. I went to their booth and it was showing this horrendous dance piece which should never have seen daylight... I also visited the subject booths and was proposed a question at the Knowledge and Inquiry booth. Surprisingly, I was the only one that got it right from a group of 2 triple science, 3 double science and 1 adult. YAY! It is amazing in the fact that someone who has absolutely no logic to solve an extremely logically question. If Claire were there, she may have called me the illogically-logical. Oo, and I saw two of my dance seniors there. Well, actually they were the ones to spot me, not because of my face but my 'long pony tail'... Wat a way to remember your Junior...

I hope that tomorrow will be a better day and the super annoying girls will zip it and give me peace.

PA horror begins

HI. Today, I'll start with a rather funny incident. When I met Claire at church today, she thought I did something to my hair today that it looked so nice today. However, it looked so "nice" because I haven't brushed my hair today. You can call it my bed head. But it was hilarious just thinking that Claire actually thought I spent time in front of the mirror taking care of my face.In fact, I my room only has a 20 by 30cm mirror. The last time I looked at myself was in my dreams...

We had Pastoral Attachment(PA) introduction today. Or rather, my PA started today whereas others' starts next year. That is because straight after the 15 min briefing, we were made to join the choir members to rehearse and sing for the 10.45 mass while the rest just enjoyed the whole mass procession. I kinda regret taking Choir due to pressure from Claire. I just realized how much I've missed dance.

It was freezing cold where I seated. And the boys had to seat on the right and the girls on the left. Don't get me wrong but it seems like the segregation of sexes. However next week, I have to seat next to the boys because we had our vocal range tested. And I am in the Alto range. Technically, I could go for a wider range and perhaps venture into the tenor or soprano range. But I am most at ease with the Alto range.

While we were being tested, two choir member brought in bags and bags of chips, bottles of soda and drinks. But I wonder, if you were in Choir, don't you have a responsibility to take care and treasure your voice?! They should be eating soupy and soothing foods and not oily,fatty,and heat-y junk food that has loads more calories than what we should consume.

other than this event the only other semi-interesting event was being a light bulb accompanying Claire and Paul on their little outing before cathecism class. I didn't really understand what they said but I learnt that Paul has Split Personality(SP) and his other persona is Paulina(I think that's how its spelled). Frankly, I don't believe that he has SP because in that condition, one can switch persona without knowing the other persona's name. Furthermore, the other persona has a name overly similar to his real name and SP occurs very often.

I gtg. To post an embarrassing video that would be enjoyed by my peers cuz its about one of my teachers. Watch out.

Surviving the First Day at School

This episode is not about bitching about teachers. No.

I hate my new class. I hate my new teachers. I hate mrs Seet. I hate mrs Yeo. Why cant I get back my old teachers?!

Yes. I survived the first day at school but I have brought home many disappointments. Mrs Khor is no longer our maths teacher. In fact, she has nothing to do with us anymore... She was really nice to us and super fun. She was more like a teaching friend than a strict authoritative monster. I am being a bit bias but we miss the good old days where we could joke with the teacher and not get into trouble.I think she is one person that we will dearly miss when we graduate from SMSS.

Now I am a community manager-in-training for 4e5. Not that I'm complaining but since I got forced out of a the role of chairman of Modern Dance, I feel that I have lost much of the natural touch of leadership. I have to make much of this role or my profile report will not look that fantastic. Especially since I need to submit applications soon.

I set up a new personal record yesterday. I managed to complete all of my holiday homework in 7 hours! My last record was 9 hours, the workload was the same. I know doing homework at the last minute is of no good to me but I notice that teachers strangely prefer my last minute works compared to those that I reviewed and did over and over again to attain perfection... Perhaps I work better under pressure? Who knows?

Tomorrow is the CCA fair. I cant believe that they are making us waste one entire Saturday morning dancing and shouting with the intention of losing our voices. Then I have to rush all the way back to Chua Chu Kang to attend ballet before rushing to Chinese Tuition. Actually, I don't mind the rushing but they kept on changing the costume and I had to rush around to purchase a satin shorts. And then they told me that they have a change of plan and we were going to wear our 3/4 tights. Its alright to change your minds but certainly not after you made everyone fork out 60 odd bucks for a pair of satin shorts!

I realized that this blog is receiving some unwanted visitors(ESPECIALLY TEACHERS) but it is what its expected when I have my head in the dirt, ignorant of how to set up a private blog. Thus I have to change several of my entries and watch out for the various taboo words.

Anyway, wish me luck. My left foot is dangling on a thread. Byebye~!