2009 Fears and Worries

Not sure what I should really post about but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

I just woke up from a really disturbing dream so I'm feeling rather lethargic and detached from my surroundings. I'd think I'll do a little write up on my fears and worries as well as hopes for next year.

Next Year is the Huge O levels exam yet I cant believe that I feel so relaxed as am not event trying to complete my holiday Homework. I just cant kick this lazy habit of mine. I've tried to get rid of it but it always worms itself back in. I really want to be on top of myself(I dont noe how to phrase it so..) and give it my best shot but I need to thrash this evil deed of mine.

I'm also facing a grade 7 ballet exam in April or May. I'm rather worried about not being able to qualify for the exam as recently, Ms Kok had become pregnant and the class has had a new teacher that does not know how to teach and confuses us so much that I can stick my head in a whirlpool and still feel fine. The quality of my dance is not improving and I can hardly catch my steps so I'm so dead when Ms Kok comes back. I may not even take the exam....

At school I am still in the mist of preparing for the upcoming SYF(Singapore Youth Festival). I really hope to nail solos and be no 1 in the whole dance group but I also want to leave behind a legacy or sth. Something that when people look at my name and they will go"Hey, isn't that the girl who...here?" I really hope to receive the Caroline Lee trophy but I dont think I'm in the line up...

At church, I will have my confirmation on May 30th. That is if I pass the test. I'm not really sure if this is what I want, but then again, I cant back out of it and I really do like going to church with my friends. Not because of the camaraderie or the lack of two annoying noisy brothers, but I can finally be myself around them. Then again,I'm not really sure who I really am. I have so many social masks that it is beginning to tire me out. Quiet and anti social at school, open and daring at ballet, innocent and a nut who thinks blutack is cute for church, and so on and so on. I sometimes wonder if too many masks, makes my lose the actual essence of my very own character, and makes me similar to the devil...

More fears and worries, but I don't think I write it out, but I do hope to spend more time with my friends. They may not be close but they make me really happy. Its all in the attention. Attention makes me happy.